What I've learned, a Top Ten Featurette

Hello! First of all, thanks to everyone who has read up until this point and those who have left such amazingly supportive comments. Secondly, I'm sorry I've been so lax in posting recently, things just got busy! I'm sure by this point you all kind of instinctively "get" that I really like lists, so let me do another Top Ten to jump start my blogging fervor.

Ten things I've learned (thus far) in 2012:

1. Negative feedback is only one person's opinion. I had someone comment on my novel idea in a class I'm in with some pretty critical words. They thought the idea was too dark, and that I should make the writing more "happy," I believe is how she put it. At first I was kind of crushed - after all this was my mini epiphany, and I was loving every moment of writing it. And then I wanted to explain that this story wasn't supposed to be light-hearted and happy - it was supposed to be gritty and rough, and full of heart-wrenching exposure. The kind that makes your soul ache for the protagonist and just hope that there is a different ending than that which is foreseen in such a dark story. But I didn't. Instead, I just thanked her for her opinion, and for reading what I had so far.

2. Being published gives me a a huge ego boost. I've been published in a newspaper before, and a poetry book when I was 13. Blogging is like being published too, only I have complete creative control - also a bit of a high for me. But about a month ago I was published in a bridal magazine for writing an article on equal pay for women, and seeing my name on the byline - in a real publication that wasn't run by students (read: school newspaper) - was amazing. I can't wait to do it again. Freelancing is hard, but I think I need to keep on pursuing it and eventually I will break into the industry.

3. Life changes - fast. Okay, so this one branches over the last few years really, but I think I am finally learning to go with the flow as far as life changes. It's bizarre how much you can become accustomed to living a certain way, being with someone, or having a routine -- and then how quickly everything can be altered. I guess the life lesson in this one is to live life as best you can and try not to get too attached to anything because eventually, it will change. Maybe for the worse, maybe for the better - but nothing is static.

4. It all works out in the wash. I've had to come to terms with losing this year. Losing friends who chose to leave in the face of hardship, losing jobs that rightfully couldn't wait for me to turn my life around, and losing housing in the midst of craziness. But you know what? I am still standing! I am still here, and lucky to have a friend who I could lean on for a place to stay, a can-do attitude for finding new jobs, and frankly, stronger friendships because they stood the test of time. I may have regrets right now, but the past is in the past, and it'll stay there no matter what. Or, if I may, no matter how much laundry I do.

5. I am blessed. It's a bit hard to pull perspective when you're down on your luck or facing the bottom of a piggy bank. But when I think about all that I have - a family who loves me, friends who'll support me, a college education, food in my belly, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and access to clean water, good coffee and WiFi - I have to cringe at the thought that I thought I was at rock bottom.

6. You can't change who you are inherently meant to be. This was a tough lesson, but I definitely learned it in the last four months. I tried changing for a man, and that didn't work. I attempted to mold myself into an ideal student, and that wasn't me. I worked on being a health guru - fitness, nutrition, and a more serene lifestyle - and that certainly didn't end well. (Mostly I was hungry, tired, and too grumpy to meditate instead of taking a nap). But I did a good job of learning what I'm not. I'm not a vegetarian, or very good at perfect attendance. I don't like routines, and I think counting calories is for the birds. Of course, I also learned about things like my passion necessities - see my other post - and my objet d'amore. And I got to write about equal pay, and meditation, and skin care. I did learn, and grow - but I am also the same old me.

7. This blog has become an inspiration in itself. I say this because I am less than 150 views away from hitting 1,000 views. And that's awesome! My favorite part of coming onto here to write or brainstorm is seeing new views and comments. It's like I'm touching a little part of the world - even if half those views did come from my mom, gram, and aunt.

8. The smartphone is a fantastic invention. Before January, I'd never had one. As April comes to a close, I can't see myself going back to anything less. I can check my email, listen to podcasts, create to do lists, update my calendar, browse Facebook, Craigslist, and Twitter, and Google the heck out of curiosity. And that's just on the bus on the way to the city. Ahhh-mazing.

9. You can't outrun your debts. As most graduating (or soon to be graduating) college students find themselves, I am in debt. And I know I've got to be responsible and pay it all off - the loans, the medical bills, the credit cards. Everything. For awhile I tried to live in denial (we can call it a phase ;-), and just wish away the bills. But still, here they sit - and I've got to get proactive. So keep your fingers crossed that the salon job I interviewed for on Thursday works out and I can get on the bandwagon of being an ADULT.

10. Some of the wisest words I know are: "I'm sorry," "I was wrong," and "good luck." I'd like to think that this one is fairly straightforward, but I have to mention that I am growing more humble by the day. With it, I have learned to be independent, and completely honest about the state of my life. It's incredibly liberating. I don't keep people in my life who don't belong there, I don't work on things that don't make me happy, and I try to send out some positive karma every chance I get.

Whew! That was practically a post and a half! If you're still with me - thanks for reading! Until next time!

What's bigger than love?

I am watching the show SMASH, and in the latest episode, I watched a conversation between two characters who are discussing the direction of a script that is being written. It sparked a blog post... so here goes!

Writer: "It's not just about love. I'm going for some bigger themes in this story."
Actor: "What's bigger than love?"

Good point, actor. Good point.

Sometimes you've just gotta keep things in perspective, and that means focusing on the biggest and most important things in your life. For me, and most people I imagine, that means love.

Oh you might say that love isn't the most important thing in your life. But that would make you in denial. Because ultimately, everything boils down to love. The clothes you wear, the job you have, the people in your life, and all the little things, they are all driven by love. Call it passion, or what have you. But it's really love.

Love might be for a special someone, or for your family, or your kids. It might also be for imported Brazilian dark coffee, infused with ground vanilla bean to warm you up on a windy autumn morning.

The love could be for shopping for a little black heel that fits just right, that you work a menial job to pay for. Or it could be for those 1,000-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets that brush against your skin like a cool smooth satin cloud for you to safely rest your head upon after a long day.

That got your attention, right?

So take life by storm, and let love be the theme for which you direct your life. Let love in, and share it when you ride the bus, or sit in traffic, or find yourself in a not-so-loving situation. Me? I'm going to keep going for those Egyptian sheets...

Hugs xo

What is your objet d'amour?

An objet d'amour is a transitional love object. It is the one thing that you grew up with, forever attached to, and that thing that is representative of the happiest of memories. Mine is a teddy bear and a blankie. There is a video tucked away in my parents' house of me singing, at age four, to my teddy bear (his name was Vanilla), along with a Barney video. And he still sits in my bedroom, at age 22, a comforting support on the darkest of nights.

Calling it an objet d'amour only makes it seem more mature, more appropriate for today's times. (French is more mature, right?) Now we use other, perhaps more intangible objects to represent happy times. A photograph collection displayed in a digital frame. A novel worn with page corners turned down and grass stains along the back cover. A favorite coffee flavor that reminds us of the first time we were old enough to imbibe such a grown-up beverage.

I am reading a book called Here If You Need Me by Kate Braestrup and she got me thinking about objet d'amours, and how sometimes, we allow people to become our transitional love objects. Lord knows I've been guilty of doing so. Although guilty may not be the right word... I've relied on someone to help me through the dark and allow me to lean on them, cry on their shoulder, and love them unconditionally.

I think parents must find themselves making their children objet d'amours. A little person that is so receptive of any love you are willing to give, and through their innocence helping you transition through life. I'm certainly not ready for that yet, but one day I hope I am blessed with a little bundle that can be that for me. What is your objet d'amour?

Devil on my Back

"It's hard to dance witmusic ah the dandevil on your back... so shake him off."

What are the basic necessities in your life? I'm not talking about food, water, shelter, and money to keep it all stable.

I'm talking about your passion necessities.

What are the things that you come home to at night that make your day worthwhile? Or wake up to that make your day cheery. Think bigger than the cup of coffee that starts your morning. Think about the intangibles. Reading the paper and feeling like you are now caught up with the world. Walking the dog and feeling like your day is just that much better now that you've had some fresh air. Coming home to your favorite video game and zoning out for hours in a whole different world.

When I look at my life, I've realized recently that I've been focusing too much on the negative intangibles in my life, and not the positives. Like music. And writing. And yoga, meditation, the theater and reading a good novel.

So that's why the above lyric spoke to me so much today. Sometimes, the best way to improve my day is to just lock myself in my bedroom, put my dance shoes on, blast music  and dance like no one is watching. But it's a bit hard to dance with the weight of the world on my shoulders, so today, maybe I can just shake off the devil on my back, and let the music carry me.

You know what else? I like diet soda. And non-organic lettuce because it's cheaper. And yeah, I'd much rather have a drink at the bar that comes in a bottle and costs three bucks and has twice the sugar of a mixed drink. I don't do yoga enough, or meditate enough, and I'd need to run about twelve times a week in order to get rid of all the demons in my closet. But dancing? Writing?

These are my passion necessities. These are the things that, as I look at moving home and dropping out of college, and changing so many things in my life - I cannot give up.

What about you? What are the things that drive your day and that you cannot, no - WILL NOT - give up? For anything, or anyone.

What. About. You?